


no sweet dream

by kirichin



Series: we need more Kingdom fics so here i deliver [1]
Category: Kingdom (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Hurt Shin, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Nightmares, Post Battle of Sai, Pre-Awarding Ceremony, Pre-Slash, Soft Ei Sei, because he comforts, maybe?? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23735770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirichin/pseuds/kirichin
Summary: Shin was always too weak, too slow, alwaysalwaystoo late.-or in which there were post-battle nightmares, staggering and comforting.
Relationships: Ei Sei | Ying Zheng/Shin | Xin
Series: we need more Kingdom fics so here i deliver [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1709701
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	no sweet dream

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for mistakes and ooc character.

_Shin can see it. He can see it clearly. It was as if he, himself was there. But that was impossible because it was done. It was over. The battle was finished and they have won._ _But why was it that he was there once again? Why was it that he was once again fighting, slaying enemies and trying not to let the pain of watching his people and the people of Sai fall over as exhaustion swallowed them whole, never waking up again._

_For a moment, he can feel despair hit him. It was quick and devastating that he feels flatfooted for a moment. It was just a moment, but it was enough and he was too late to save the young boy who was about to be butchered by the Zhao soldiers. And like the ray of hope he was, beautiful and strong, Ei Sei appeared, cutting down the soldier who dare to hurt his people._

_“Not yet!” He shouts, loud and clear that Shin finds himself staring. Ei Sei was a leader, a king and there was no way a king was supposed to fit in a battle. He should look out of place, should look like a puzzle piece trying to fit in its wrong place. But he’s not. He fit. Right there, fighting and shouting, giving out orders. But still, he was king and should he fall then they all will fall. (Shin tried not to think of the heart wrenching agony that hit him at the thought of his king falling.)_

_“What the hell is Sei doing?!” He finds himself shouting at the soldiers who was supposed to guard the king. But before answers can be given, Ei Sei’s voice once again rings out throughout the battlefield._

_“Do not fall! Stay awake! The battle is not over!” And just like that, everyone was awake, once again trying to fight, to give justice to the efforts that their king gives them, trying to live up to his expectations and to save those who lived within the walls of Sai._

_Everyone was captivated, everyone fought but the only thing in Shin’s head was fear. Because Ei Sei was strong, Ei Sei was captivating, he was charismatic and giving out orders, fixing the battlefield, trying to sway everything on their favor. And if the people of Sai and him could see it then so will the soldiers of Zhao._

_They will see him and they will kill him. That cannot happen. His king cannot be slain. (His king, his hope, his light cannot be slain, must not be slain. He will not allow it.)_

_Swallowing the grief and agony at the thought of his king gone, Shin fought and cut down enemies, trying his best to be closer in order to save him, save his King because something was wriggling at the back of his mind. Something was telling him that something bad is going to happen, that something will take Ei Sei away from him._

_But with every enemy he cut down, with every step he took, Ei Sei seems to take ten steps further away. That scared him. He can feel himself going cold, his fingers going numb as he tried to race towards the King._

_Everything seemed to disappear, he couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t see anything, the Battle of Sai forgotten and all he can see is his King, he rushed and rushed and when he was near when he can almost grasp his cloak, something held him down._

_He tried to struggle, to step closer. He looked down in order to see what stop him only to see hands, bleeding and broken hands trying to stop, grasping at his ankles. The owner of the hands grinned at him, arrow across his forehead, his eye drooping out of the sockets, but it grinned, evil and cold, never letting him go_

_“Let go! Let me go!” Shin gritted out raising his sword in order to cut down the hands that was stopping only for it to be replaced. This time the man’s head was cleaved in two, brain spilling out, barely together and yet its hold was as strong as iron and soon it was not just him but other corpses that seemed to crawl towards him trying to stop him._

_He looked up to see if Ei Sei has gone far. He didn’t, he was still close. Shin can still save him. It’s not too late. A sigh of relief was almost let out but was stopped when he noticed the familiar soldiers. No. Nonono-_

_The King parried the strike of the sword, but the soldier let out a scream, letting the sword slide down, and it was coming down, slowly and torturously and Shin can’t do anything again. Because he was too far, too slow, too late. Always **always** too late._

_Shin froze amidst his struggle. “No.” He whispered. “No! Fuck shit! Let me go you bastards! Fuck! Let me go!”_

_Ei Sei fell to his knees, blood spilling out (Nonononono) and the soldier who cut him down smiled cruelly. Shin knew it, because he smiled right back at Shin as if he knew that Shin was staring, triumphant and cold. The soldier raised his sword once again, intent to kill the King._

_But Shin was finally close, finally there and so he grasped his sword tightly, and threw himself towards the soldier. Shin killed him. But he didn’t even have it in him to feel victory because he felt cold, cold and shaky and Ei Sei was falling._

_“Sei!” Shin screams as he catches him. Ei Sei’s eyes was closed, there was blood and he was pale. So so pale. It scared Shin. Because why was Sei not waking up, why? “Sei! Sei open your eyes! Sei wake up!” Shit blood. Blood so much blood, so much red. And Shin’s hands was shaking and he should stop the bleeding he should so he placed his hand on his collar, pressing and pressing and stopping the blood but it was not stopping. It was dripping and dripping,down his hands, in his knees and into the ground, seeping into it and making it red. Why was it not stopping? Why was Sei not waking up? He was supposed to wake up and tell Shin to not make a fuss but he **wasn’t**._

_“Sei? Sei? You’re okay right? Sei please.” His words were broken as he tried to smile fakely because surely Sei would wake up?Surely? But why was his pulse slowing? Why was he getting colder? What was- What was happening._

_This shouldn’t happen no-no-no. Sei should, he should wake up. He should-_

_He was not waking up. He was-_

_Shin swallowed a sob, his hands shaking and he felt like throwing up and he felt like dying and his chest hurt and all he can do is bring Sei closer because he was not waking up. Because Shin was too weak, too slow, too late. He was too weak of a sword that Sei has to go down and fight and why was he always too late?_

_“Yes Shin why are you always too late?” Shin’s breath hitched at the voice, it was familiar. Too familiar and he finds himself flinching away because it was-_

_“Hyou?”And Hyou it was. He was standing, still the same age the last time Shin saw him. Still wearing the same clothing,still bleeding from the same place and his smile was **so** cold and so unforgiving and Shin wanted to cry even more because it was his fault it was his fault and Sei was now gone and-_

* * *

Shin opened his eyes, his gasp ringing on the room. He rolled over, trying to get away from the covers because it was too constricting, too tight and too hot, too reminiscent of the battle of blood and Sei-

_Breathe Shin._

Shin thinks as he grabs the tattered cloth on his chest. He gasps for air as his hand tightened in his chest. The same word echoed in his mind once again and he can almost hear Hyou’s voice, the memory of Hyou’s hand gliding on his back as he tried to comfort Shin from his nightmare when they were younger swarmed his mind for a moment, but instead of giving comfort he only felt the air around him going thinner.

Because then he was thinking of Hyou on the ground, bleeding and smiling and saying goodbye and he can’t take this. Because Hyou looks so much like Ei Sei and it was easy to remember a sword going down, down into Ei Sei’s neck, and he can’t do anything but watch because he was too far, too slow and _no-no no no Ei Sei’s going to bleed and say goodbye and won’t wake up and leave everything to Shin_.

“Fuck.” Shin gasps out loud and forces himself to stand. As if drunk, he sways on his feet and with nothing to steady him, it was easy for Shin to fall into ground, knees painfully taking the impact as he threw his hands in front of him in order to balance himself.

His balance was shot to hell and standing up pulls at every wound on his body. In fact, he can already feel his vision swarming with black, threatening to take him out but he _can’t_. He just wanted to sleep and rest because he might be a stupid resilient brat but he kinda maybe knew his limits. But then whenever he closes his eyes, the memory of the dream swarms back then he’s sitting up, shaking the tiredness and sleep.

The struggle in standing up threw the panic off for a moment but he can still feel it edging at the back of his mind, buzzing and ready to take over so he forces himself to sit up, swallowing the urge to throw up and looked around.

Once he was stable enough that he was sure he wouldn’t keel over, Shin carefully looked around and frowned at the unfamiliar and fancy room. It wasn’t the little cabin that he and Ten lived in, it was too fancy, too big and too clean. He looked behind him and leaned back at the bed in which he fell from. The sheets were soft too.

It took him an embarrassing amount of time before it sunk in that he was probably at the palace. He tried to remember what happened, how he got from Sai to Kanyou but all that came back was flashes of bone deep weariness, the drunk-like feeling of finally winning and the relief that _finally_ it was all done. Then he fainted.

Shin groaned at this, hand raising to face palm at the rare moment of him being a damsel a distress and wondered why was he brought here and where the hell Ten and his unit were.

But the thought of Ten reminded him of what happened , of the Coalition and Duke Hyou. And fuck. _Fuck._

Shin closed his eyes and leaned back at the bed, his hand staying at his face as if covering the misery and despair that returned now that there was no war to be fought. Duke Hyou was strong and smart and a great general and Shin liked him. And then he was gone.

_Forward!_ Duke Hyou ordered at him, eyes bright and alight, fire never burning out despite what happened. And Shin wanted to really, he would but the rubbed raw feeling came back, of defeat after defeat and of loss and it hurt. It really did. He would move forward really, he promised, but right now, right now he can’t. Right now he hurt and god did it hurt, and he felt ashamed too. Because that moment, that moment he lost hope.

He could still remember the blankness that swallowed his mind and all he felt was tired tired _tired_ and god, when will losing someone stop hurting. He could feel himself faltering, unsteady like it was his first time with the sword and he was scared and they can’t lose here, because it will all be over and- god- fuck- he needs someone and then, and then they arrived at Sai.

And he wanted to scream and cry and lean on someone but he can’t because he was the leader, and he should be strong but he can’t, he was so tired and he was ashamed because he should go forward like Duke Hyou said, but he was so tired and everything was heavy and then he saw Sei.

Gods, Sei. Sei, Sei _Sei._ And he was just so _so_ bright and he was strong. Shin knows that he was strong, that he wouldn’t fold and break if Shin rested for a moment, if he let him carry his weight for a moment because he was just _so_ tired and Sei let him. Sei said okay and god Shin cares so much for him, aches so much for him and Shin trusts him so much and he was just _there_. And the shield on his back was heavy, his whole being hurts but Sei was here so maybe, maybe it would be okay. It would be-

But then there was a sword and it was coming down, so fast, too fast and he was too far and why was Sei here he should be up there safe and okay but he was down here and there was a sword and it was coming down and there was blood, red and it was so red and it was dripping, dripping and Sei was falling and he can remember rage and fiery and cold fire and he was killing the man but Sei was falling and he was kneeling. He’s king, he shouldn’t be kneeling, he shouldn’t be closing his eyes and Shin wanted to cry. He wanted to cry because suddenly he was smaller and weaker and younger and he remembered, still remembers how it felt when Hyou left him and Sei can’t leave him too. _No._

But it was okay because Sei was opening his eyes and telling him that it was no big deal and he shouldn’t throw a fuss but in his dream, in his dreams Sei d-

Shin swallowed back the bile that was threatening to rise up and forced himself to rise up. He has to find Sei. He’s just going to ask where Ten was that’s all. (He is so not going there in order to get confirmation and comfort that Sei, his king is indeed alive.)

And so with staggering with the wall as his support, falling in his face at least five times, and the rudimentary knowledge of the castle due to his rescue of the past assassination of the King he soon found himself in front of the King’s chamber.

Only to realize that he was being stupid. What the fuck was he doing, coming here? What if Sei was with Kou? After all they just finished a battle that nearly took their lives so surely, Sei was with her comforting his lover.

And what the fuck was he? He was just Sei’s sword, his soldier, what does he want? Comfort? For Sei to console him? Fuck. Shin was being dumb ugh.

Yes Sei did comfort him and let him lean on him but that was amidst the war, of course Sei would do that. He would have after all, have no use of a soldier who has no morale, an edgeless blade. That was a one-time thing. Probably. Maybe.

So he should just go. But then he remembered the sword and it was coming down, not stopping, sliding down Sei’s blade then his neck and he was bleeding-bleeding and there was red and he was falling and-

What little strength Shin has decided to run out and it was logical, because he was weak, injured and panicking. He just wished that his strength didn’t decide to leave him at that time because now he was the one falling and he can feel something dripping on his side.

_Fuck_. Was what on his mind before he finds himself slumping on the door with a dull thump. He winced at the sound and at the impact in his bruised body. Shin limply slid down until he was sprawled on the ground, back on the door. He prayed in the gods that he didn’t believe in for Sei- and if Kou was there, to not hear that and stay asleep.

He waited for a few seconds, silently cursing himself as he sat on the ground with his back on the door. When nothing happened he sighed, partly in relief and in disappointment. Well that was it he guess. Now to drag himself back to the-

Just as he was about to push himself and _crawl_ back to his bed the door opened. Shin bit back a curse as he fell back, he’s support gone. Just as he closed his eyes, waiting for the impact on the floor hoping that it would knock him out, a hand slid behind his head and cradled it making sure it didn’t hit the floor.

“Sei?” Shin asked a little weakly and awkwardly. The king looked at the soldier laying on his hand and raised an eyebrow at him. He took note of the pale complexion, and sweat on his forehead. What was Shin thinking going here at this late night?

“What are you doing here Shin?” He voiced his question out loud, adjusting his hold in Shin and helping him sit up.

Shin winced as he sat up, be it the pain or the question it was his business thank you very much. “I- ah where is Ten?” He asked a little awkwardly.

The king sighed at this and shook his head. “Ten was on a different room, resting unlike someone who decided that it was good idea to walk around _injured_.” Sei answered a little patronizingly. He heaved Shin up at the floor and noticed that the soldier was a little to unsteady, his grip too tight and was already panting just from standing up. Really, it was so Shin to trudge all the way here despite his body saying no. (And no, Sei wasn't worried.)

Once they were both standing up, Sei slammed the door and helped Shin to walk, leading him towards his bed.

Shin muttered something. Sei didn’t pick up what he said and frowned. “Speak up Shin. Not all of us can understand gibberish.” He said mildly and gave a at Shin’s muttered ‘shut-up’ as he helped him sit on the bed.

Sei sat in front of him and raised his eyebrow again in a silent inquiry of what he said.

Shin muttered unintelligibly once again. Sei sighed at this and rolled his eyes but he can’t help the smile that warmed his expression when Shin looked down and fiddled with his hand. It should be out of place, and someone like Shin who was too rough and too loud shouldn’t look endearing when fidgeting but he was, so Sei let the warm encase his chest before his hand was reaching out tilting Shin’s head up in order to meet his eyes.

“Shin.”

“I said, I came to check on you!” Shin exclaimed and with a huff, forcefully laid down on the bed. Sei can’t help but chuckle at the behavior. It was uncouth and impolite and so Shin that he can’t help but just shake his head.

“I’m fine Shin. It was not me who fainted like a damsel.” There was a squawk and a sputter. Shin pushed himself from the bed and pointed his finger at Sei. Really Shin was just so rude.

“I did not faint!”

“Hmm. I find it amusing that you did not deny being a damsel.” Another choking sound and Sei reveled at the blush on his friend’s face.

“I’m not a damsel!”

“Oh really? The one too many account of you fainting and me having to carry you says otherwise Shin.”

Shin has a comeback really. And it was super cool and super witty but Sei was looking at him warmly and bemusedly and he was laughing. He was laughing and was warm and there was no bleeding.

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

Sei stopped his laugh and stared at Shin, surprised at the sudden seriousness and the vulnerability in his face. The king felt something loose up in his chest and he can feel his face going soft. (and he can’t believe it, because he was unraveling in a way he shouldn’t be, in a different way. He’s king, he should be tough and cold and hard but this was Shin and there was too much vulnerability, too much rawness and hurt and fear on those eyes that Sei cannot just shake this off.)

“I’m fine Shin.” Shin nodded at the words but he could remember the sword and its coming down and the bleeding-

“Shin.” The said boy flinched and look down, hands clenching on sheets. Fuck, what was wrong with him. Sei said he was okay so he should just roll with it and go. He was pretty sure that he was bothering the king.

“Yeah, of course.” Shin said and laughed and it was so fake that he has to withhold a wince. “So I’m going, probably woke you up. Sorry. Where was Kou by the way ? Whatever I’ll go now you can tell me tomorrow. Yeah. I’ll-“

Shin’s ramble was stopped when a hand grabbed his wrist. “Shin.” Sei sighed at the other pulling at his wrist and guided the staggering Shin back at the bed. Shin wouldn’t look him in the eye again and there was a look on his face. And he knew that look. Saw it in the mirror enough to be able to name it.

“Shin.” He said once again, hand reaching out cupping the other’s scratched cheek. It was too intimate, too close for their friendship, but this felt right, this felt warm and his instincts was never wrong.

“Look at me.” When Shin didn’t look, Sei raised his hand and cupped it on the other side of Shin’s face and redirected Shin to look at him. “I’m fine Shin. I’m okay. I’m alive.”

Shin opens his mouth, tries to speak and say I’m sorry and say that he understands but all that left his mouth was a croak and suddenly his eyes feels wet.

Sei sighs but instead of sounding tired it just sounded fond and he was soon wiping down tears that fell.

“Are you crying again Shin?” Shin opened his mouth in order to answer a no-shut-up Sei but all that left was a sob and it was humiliating because he was crying and breaking again when not just two weeks ago he was doing just that but Sei just sighed once again and wrapped his arms around Shin, tucking his head on his shoulder.

And what else can Shin do but cry. Shin wanted to stop and just go but Sei didn't push him away, only hums when Shin sobs out words that sounds a lot like stupid-sei. Sei was reminded of the beginning, when all Shin was was anger and revenge and tears for Hyou, now it seems like Shin was crying and it was not Hyou’s fault but him. (He didn’t know and he didn’t try to figure out why, but he shoved the warm and sweet feeling on his chest down. Better to think about that when there was no crying Shin on his arms to cloud his thoughts.)

Realizing that this would take a while, Sei decided to be more comfortable and shifted in order to carefully lie down on his side, tucking his chin over Shin’s head as he cried on Sei’s chest.

“You really are a crybaby huh?’ Sei says as he pulls Shin away in order to breathe, wiping the tears and pushing his hair back.

“Sh-Shut up.” He hiccups as his shoulder shook from the sobs. But Sei just hums and smiled down at him, alive and well and not bleeding and far from the sword and soon Shin could feel his face crumpling once again and blubbers of how ‘Sei should not fight and if he should he should just stay beside Shin so he wouldn’t die lame death’ came out.

“Hmm. Don’t worry now. I have you right?” Sei asked, a little amused and warm at the tears that came from the question. “Shh. I’ll be alright Shin.” He whispers.

And in that bed, moments after crying his eyes out, Shin finally fell asleep warm and comforted, the nightmare nothing but a far memory because in his king’s arms, he knows that Sei was alive and safe. (He also realized that maybe he was wrong, that he wasn't just a soldier and sword. He remembered that he was also Sei's friend.)

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, everything is a little bit rough but it was intentional because emotions. and the dream wasn't exactly like battle of sai?? because it was warped in a way dreams were and im probably just making shitty excuses for shitty writing. btw i love these two and the invasion arc is so fucking amazing, ugh ousen is so smart i cannot-
> 
> buut i hoped you liked this, comment and kudo if you can~
> 
> (i love kingdom fuck)
> 
> p.s. sorry for the shifting tenses.


End file.
